Katie's Irvinisms: Feelings of Worthlessness

Monday, October 28, 2013

Feelings of Worthlessness

It's amazing how worthless the devil can make you feel. You lose your purpose and feel as though you contribute nothing to your small area of society - whether it be your family, your church, your job, etc. Today, while feeling particularly worthless and purposeless, I did my devotion while eating my lunch. I normally do the "daily Bible reading" of 3 or 4 chapters a day; but today, I decided to pull out my "Take 5" devotions that they give out at church every couple of weeks. One of the first things I read said, "You, my sister, are minted in God's likeness and called out of darkness into His marvelous light. God has placed great worth and value on you as His daughter." Wow. That was EXACTLY what I needed to read in that EXACT moment. It also talked about the call of Heaven - inviting me, beckoning me, encouraging me. Then I read:

Why does a mother choose to give her children priority rather than take an enticing job offer that will consume her time? Heaven calling.
What keeps a wife faithful to her marriage when it seems there's nothing left to hang on to? Heaven calling.
Why does a single woman refuse the offer of a man who seems to have everything except a passion for God? Heaven calling.
What keeps an elderly woman coming to church even though she feels like she makes no contribution? Heaven calling.

If that doesn't shame you into feeling you have a purpose and a little bit of worth, I don't know what will! The author asked the question, "What is Heaven calling you to do and be?" Sometimes I honestly can't answer that question. I get caught up in my little world and I feel as though I don't contribute much to our family. I feel as though I am "nothing" at church outside of Shannon's wife. I feel like I'm the worst mama for my boys. All these feelings overwhelm me and then I lose my joy. My joy should not be tied to circumstances. It should not be tied to people. My joy should not be tied to anything BUT MY HOPE IN CHRIST AND WHAT HE HAS DONE FOR ME.

So...I made a list of all the things that I feel are my purpose, things to strive toward, things to work toward, things to pray for. I felt as though God immediately restored my joy and helped me see that I am not worthless, no matter what the devil may say.

3 comments:

Unknown said...: I struggle with the same feelings and I think almost all women do. I get stuck in my own thoughts and feelings and it is so nice to have someone remind you of how normal, yet wonderful you really are. My feelings are my worst enemy, making me doubt myself and sometimes God's plan. Your blog is something that I very much needed to read and I thank you for sharing. You are an amazing person with a wonderful family and a beautiful heart. I thank God that I have you and Brittany to remind me of my worth and make me feel better about my daily mommy battles. You both post things that give me the strength to get through the day when I don't think I can. Thank you, Katie!; October 29, 2013 at 8:04 AM
Miss Ashley said...: What a great post, Katie! I am so glad you shared it. I struggle with the same thing. It seems that God has called us to one purpose, to do it with our whole heart, and then we have this voice on the other side telling us we are worthless unless we are making money and helping meet the financial demands of a home filled with hungry mouths to feed. It feels like I have the eyes of the world on me, watching, just waiting for it all to fall apart.. or better yet, every one is watching to make sure I do it all "perfect" - perfect kids, perfect house, perfect yard, going to all the perfect events, and yet, I am still human! Taking care of kids has NEVER been perfect. So many voices, but the voice of truth never fails - He always tells me I am doing the right thing, instructs me in how to do it better, accepts me in my shortcomings, and loves me.

I am just rambling on, but this was a great post. I needed it. You are a precious woman, who is definitely fulfilling your calling. Whenever your boys grow up and know their mama, want a wife like their mama, and still want to call you and be close to you even though they are on their own, you will know the true worth of what you are doing!

Love you!; October 29, 2013 at 3:00 PM
Katie said...: Big surprise here, but you both (Amy & Ashley) made me cry! I am still trying to find my "purpose." But you know what? It's absolutely AMAZING what God will show you...if you just ask! I love you both and thank you, thank you, thank you for your encouraging words. So glad to call you both "family!"; October 31, 2013 at 10:13 AM

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My Testimony

I was 9 years old and terrified that I was going to Hell when I died. I kept asking my mama questions about it. She would always just reassure me that I'd know when it was my time to ask Jesus in my heart. I went to Bible Camp that summer for the first time. The Lord spoke to my heart that Monday night during the preaching service through a sermon by Butch Lee. I didn't go down. I was afraid what the other kids would say...especially being new at camp and not knowing everybody. On Tuesday, I worried ALL day long because I KNEW WITHOUT A DOUBT that if I died, I'd open my eyes in Hell. So back in the service on Tuesday night, I could hardly wait for the preacher to give the invitation. Sure I was still nervous, but I knew I needed him more than I needed to be nervous! I went down and got my counselor by the hand. My friend Libby followed. We knelt outside on the sidewalk and I repeated a prayer after my counselor. I don't really know that it would've mattered the words I said because God knew what was in my heart. I got saved that night and haven't been the same since! He put a wonderful peace in my heart that nothing else in the world can ever replace. I thank Him for that sweet moment of salvation and pray that I can be an example along the way for those I meet. You know, you're never too old or too young really to be saved. If you feel God speaking to your heart right now, just bow your head, close your eyes, and ask Him to come inside your heart and make you clean and pure and holy and be your Savior. It's that simple. Then YOU can have that wonderful peace that passes ALL understanding!